Separation with Kids: What Every Parent Should Know

A lot of people assume that in a separation or divorce, the mother automatically gets the upper hand and primary care of the kids. They wonder: Who really has the power? Do Courts favour women over men? Is splitting time 50/50 always the answer?

Let’s bust some of these myths.

The Family Law Act 1975 gives the Court authority to make orders for the care and welfare of children in Australia (except in Western Australia). When parents disagree over where a child will live or how time will be shared, the Court’s main concern is what is in the best interests of the child. Here is some guidance to their consideration of “best interests”:

·       Reduced exposure and safety from family violence, abuse, neglect or other harm.

·       If the child is old enough, any views expressed by them.

·       The developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs of the child.

·       The capacity of each person/parent.

·       The child spending time with significant people such as grandparents, cousins and long-term family friends.

Now that we’ve covered the technical stuff, let’s get to the delicate part.

Children feel emotions just like adults. But being younger in age and development, they often can’t identify or name what they’re feeling. It can be confusing and even frightening when their parents don’t acknowledge their emotions or explain what’s happening.

We’ve gathered some helpful tips from the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia’s website for you:

·      Both parents should reassure the child they still love them.

·      Explain to your child it’s not their fault and they are not to blame.

·      Allow your child the right to love both parents, don’t make them choose.

·      Discuss their feelings with them without judgment.

·      To the best of your ability, refrain from degrading or arguing with the other parent in front of your child.

·      Inform the child’s teachers of what is happening so they understand the situation.

There are many parenting courses and resources available to guide you through this process, and working with a separation coach can help ease the stress. You do not need to weather this storm alone. Remember, your child mirrors your nervous system—managing your own emotions first is key to supporting them through this transition.